| * Chuck Norris can watch DVD's on a VCR |
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| * In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris. |
| * Chuck Norris does not have a middle name, nobody gets between Chuck Norris. |
| * Global warming does not exist, Chuck Norris is just getting REALLY mad at polar bears |
| * Jack can be nimble, and Jack can be quick, but Jack can't dodge Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick. |
| * Good. Better. Best. Chuck Norris. |
| * When Chuck Norris fights in a boxing match, the referee doesn't count 10 to 1, he checks for vital signs of life. |
| * Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack (His heart knows better) |
| * Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo. |
| * Chuck Norris CAN handle the truth. |
| * Chuck Norris is the only one who can touch the art in the museum. |
| * Pluto is not a planet because Chuck Norris said so. |
| * Chuck Norris once scared a baby. To this day that baby is still screaming in fear......his name is Justin Bieber |
| * The reason there isn't any life on Mars is because Chuck Norris has already been there. |
| * Chuck Norris is officially on the periodic table. |
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| * Jack Bauer's rice crispies don't go snap,crackle and pop,they go "Ssshhh here he comes" |
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| * Jack Bauer once brought a knife to a gun fight. Turns out, he only needed his two legs. |
| * While you are reading this Jack Bauer is killing a terrorist |
| * Jack Bauer eats IED's for breakfast, sometimes without milk |
| * Jack be nimble Jack be quick, holy shit Jack's got a dynamite stick! |
| * When they told Jack to jump over the candle stick, he used it to take them out. |
| * Jack Bauer will never suffer a heart attack. Even the heart isn't stupid enough to attack Jack Bauer. |
| * The Stig thought he could keep his identity a secret till he met Jack Bauer. |
| * If Jack Bauer was Spartan in the movie 300, the movie would be called 1. |
| * How does Chuck Norris sleep safely at night? His momma reads him Jack Bauer stories... |
| * Jack's XBox 360 had the ring of death.Jack punched it and the rings went away. |
| * The 24 video game starts out in God Mode. You enter a cheat to activate Jack Bauer mode. |
| * Jack Bauer doesn't know where he was when JFK was shot. If he did, it wouldn't have happened. |
| * A terrorist hijacked a boat and tried to run over Jack Bauer. The boat was called The Titanic. |
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| * Jack Bauer has never lost a game of 20 questions. He tortures his opponent until they reveal the answer. |
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